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Oh, GNOME!
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February 6th, 2009Stuff n' thingsTHIS JUST IN.
Lawns across America are looking rather drab. Grills are not being fired up. Footballs are not being thrown. Laughs are not being laughed. Hammocks aren’t swinging. Cigars aren’t being smoked [which could be a good thing because cigar smokers are 53 times more likely to get cancer of the larynx]. Families are lamenting, “It’s just not the same. Something is missing.” That “missing something” is their beloved lawn gnomes.
No! NOT DAVID.
In a string of thefts, serial recycled-metal-weather-safe-alien-lawn-gnome-bandits are terrorizing the nation and walking away with many household’s beloved exterior decorations. No one knows why the alien-bandits are targeting lawn gnomes. But it’s happening. It has been hypothesized that it is a brutal battle of the recycled materials dating back to the premier of An Inconvenient Truth. Acrylic v. Found-recycled-metal. A battle of epic proportions.
Get a room, gnomes.
Who knows if the lawn gnomes will return? Will they band together in lawn-gnome-land and prepare to fight back? Or will they simply cower in fear and [eskimo]-kiss each other in the corner?
Let’s hope its the former, or else people will be forced to purchase new lawn decorations… from SkyMall.
Tags: al gore, alien bandits, epic battle, eskimo kiss, improv, inconvenient truth, lawn gnome, make me laugh, milk carton, sketch, skymallComments
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3 responses to “Oh, GNOME!” 
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I proudly host Gnorm the Gnome on my front lawn. Right now he is covered in smutz from the winter. I agree that this land would benefit from a lawn gnome stiumlus package.
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Thank you for posting the plight of garden gnomes. These gnome bandits are a serious danger. There are almost weekly reports of missing gnomes in the gnews, and I suspect these little lawn looters may have something to do with it.
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David Horton February 6th, 2009 at 14:26