Monthly Archives: March 2009

I Wanna be a GHOST-Tweeter!

Below is the generic cover letter than I am generically submitting to all famous people, politicos, and celebrities who are looking for a ghost-tweeter on Twitter.

oooooo! spooky-tweets!

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Dear Famous Person:

I am contacting you in regards to the position of “Famous-Person-Ghost-Tweeter” that you advertised in Life. No, not the magazine. Life, as in what we are all experiencing at this very moment. I feel that I am extremely qualified to fill the position of your ghost tweeter.

My qualifications include: experienced tweeter, pop culture expert, eating burritos on-the-go, crafting one-liners on command, relevant @replier, guru, master of wording smart/witty/intelligent phrases, and doing the paparazzi’s job for them in 140 characters or less. I know how to make your tweets sound intellectual, honest, and legit–without being too overbearing for your followers. Oh, and I am REALLY good at including irrelevant # marks when necessary.

For example, if I were to tweet for @THE_REAL_SHAQ, I would probably include a quip or two about being tall or dominating people on and off the court. Or, if I were to tweet for @britneyspears, I would talk about my sons, my new haircut, rock and roll, or say “ya’ll” a lot.

No twisearch (twitter-research) necessary, or perhaps twisearch necessary. Regardless, I would cater your tweets to your tweeds (twitter-needs). You would have so many followers that Twitter would be officially TWNED (twitter-pwned).

I would really like the opportunity for a personal interview. You would be able to see and experience first-hand my outgoing personality and can-do, go-getter attitude; all of which are qualities VITAL to being a successful famous-person-ghost-tweeter. I look forward to being interviewed at your earliest convenience. I would even let you take me to a fancy five-star lunch at no-cost to me. You may contact me at mollybuckley[at]yahoo[dot]com. Thank you so much for your twime and twinsideration (time and consideration, get it? It’s twitter-language).

Sincerely,

Molly Buckley

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Well, here’s hoping!

All for now.

Don't Take "Weather" Into Your Own Hands

7 Replies

I feel as though I am seeing my college days flash before my eyes. [Well, not MY college days, per se, more like the college days of a lot of the girls I knew. I was an anomaly. ] However, for some reason I do remember instances in which bad things happened to good people [hilariously bad things] and a sobbing/crying fest thus ensued. But, I digress. Let’s get to the point.

Things that probably are not a good idea:

Busting open a fire extinguisher
Trying to use a fire extinguisher when there is no fire
Trying to use a fire extinguisher indoors, in the middle of the night, in an enclosed space
Trying to use a fire extinguisher in lieu of a sno w machine in order to fashion the illusion of a winter wonderland, in a hallway
Wait a tick, why would you use a snow machine in a dorm, err, residence hall, anyway?

So, why should you avoid these things? Watch this video and SHE’LL tell you.

Awesome. “I thought it would just be a “POOF!”"

My dear, dear sobbing sorority-hopeful-girl, no fire extinguisher emits just a POOF. Frankly, if my home were legitimately on fire, I would be angry at the fire extinguisher company for selling me a faulty product. Furthermore, just because your DAD did it when he was in college, doesn’t mean you should too. There are probably a lot of things your dad did in college that are not wise for you to follow suit in. Oh, and I don’t think sweeping the floor will make up for what you have done.

So, my friends, what is the moral of this hilarious story? Whether you’re looking to “make it rain” or “make it snow” — you should never bring the weather into your own hands. I mean, look at what happened to Pacman Jones [and he didn't even wake anyone up!]

“I JUST WANTED TO MAKE IT SNOW.”

Hilarious. I’ll be saying that for the next, uhm, two weeks, at least.

All for now.

Can Ms. Cyrus Stanky Leg a Soulja Boy?

1 Reply

Can Miley Cyrus really create a dance that puts THE Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em to shame? Doubt it. But I bet Ryan Hansinger & I can! This week’s episode of Forget the FACTS features:

8th grade farts
A Tribute to a Parrot Hero
George Bush is writing a book?
AND Our Hoedown Throw Down

Good times. Good times. Had by all.

Don’t forget to comment, subscribe, rate, and share. You know. You scratch our back, we’ll scratch yours. Unless you have a hairy back… then we might not scratch yours. I’m not a fan of back hair. I’m just sayin’ is all.

All for now.

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Ps: ComedySportz Improv Theatre in Richmond, VA is closing this weekend. I am performing in two shows. I better see you there.

The Funny-Girl's Guide to Successful Dating

5 Replies

As a female and a comedian, it is hard to develop and/or find a niche when it comes to “picking up” men (or women, who knows? I’m not judging). Typically, women comedians aren’t always the hot commodity at a bar or other type of social gathering. We have to fight and wit our way past the beautiful cheerleader-types, sorority girls**, and Olympic gymnasts in order to get even a good stare-down from a potential suitor. We funny women are the ones who are found standing in the corner at parties recounting embarrassing stories and telling 185 jokes [if you don’t know what a 185 joke is, google it.]

These are the types YOU may be competing with.

Anyway, so I have some experience with this, subsequently making me a credible source. I have had my fair share of relationship mishaps and “pick-up” fails [luckily THAT streak is over, athankyou ]. So, therefore, I like to think that I am somewhat of an expert in the “funny-woman-who-so-desperately-wants-to-be-a-sex-symbol” category.

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The key to SUCCESSFULLY picking up a man is THREE FOLD:

1. Exude confidence even if you have none. Be the queen of faking it. Most comedians are improvisers, so improvise. [Yes, and...].

2. Always be “in the know” on the latest sports headlines. Before heading out to a party, take a quick look at the Yahoo! sports headlines and come up with at least one or two quips as to how “Player X” totally should have “Sports Moved” “Player Y.” Trust me, you throw some sporting jargon in there, you’re golden.

3. Compliment. Men love to be stroked, err, men love to have their EGOS stroked. So, stroke away. For example, tell him you saw Dane Cook in the shirt he is wearing [oh, and DO NOT, under any circumstances, reveal that you don't like Dane Cook or you'll never see past the first date]. Or, tell him that his hair smells like Ashton Kutcher’s. Compare him to a “hot” celeb and you will score major points.

3.5. When in doubt, crack a joke, in character. You know how to rock character work and you know puns. Throw ‘em together and you have discovered romantic comedy gold.

So, there you have it. The funny-girl’s guide to landing Prince Charming, or at least a good substitute for the time being.

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Ps: This is the pun winner for the week: (submitted by Zach Ward: comedian, director, DSI comedy rockstar)

Q: Why do Italians like to produce Theatre on Broadway?
A: Because they know how to RIG-A-TONY.

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Oh! BAM!

All for now.

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**Yes, I am a comedian and in a sorority. I’m simply using a hasty generalization for the sake of comedy. So, back off.