Below is the generic cover letter than I am generically submitting to all famous people, politicos, and celebrities who are looking for a ghost-tweeter on Twitter.

oooooo! spooky-tweets!

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Dear Famous Person:

I am contacting you in regards to the position of “Famous-Person-Ghost-Tweeter” that you advertised in Life. No, not the magazine. Life, as in what we are all experiencing at this very moment. I feel that I am extremely qualified to fill the position of your ghost tweeter.

My qualifications include: experienced tweeter, pop culture expert, eating burritos on-the-go, crafting one-liners on command, relevant @replier, guru, master of wording smart/witty/intelligent phrases, and doing the paparazzi’s job for them in 140 characters or less. I know how to make your tweets sound intellectual, honest, and legit–without being too overbearing for your followers. Oh, and I am REALLY good at including irrelevant # marks when necessary.

For example, if I were to tweet for @THE_REAL_SHAQ, I would probably include a quip or two about being tall or dominating people on and off the court. Or,  if I were to tweet for @britneyspears, I would talk about my sons, my new haircut, rock and roll, or say “ya’ll” a lot.

No twisearch (twitter-research) necessary, or perhaps twisearch necessary. Regardless, I would cater your tweets to your tweeds (twitter-needs). You would have so many followers that Twitter would be officially TWNED (twitter-pwned).

I would really like the opportunity for a personal interview. You would be able to see and experience first-hand my outgoing personality and can-do, go-getter attitude; all of which are qualities VITAL to being a successful famous-person-ghost-tweeter. I look forward to being interviewed at your earliest convenience. I would even let you take me to a fancy five-star lunch at no-cost to me. You may contact me at mollybuckley[at]yahoo[dot]com. Thank you so much for your twime and twinsideration (time and consideration, get it? It’s twitter-language).

Sincerely,

Molly Buckley

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Well, here’s hoping!

All for now.

I feel as though I am seeing my college days flash before my eyes. [Well, not MY college days, per se, more like the college days of a lot of the girls I knew. I was an anomaly. ] However, for some reason I do remember instances in which bad things happened to good people [hilariously bad things] and a sobbing/crying fest thus ensued. But, I digress. Let’s get to the point.

Things that probably are not a good idea:

1. Busting open a fire extinguisher
2. Trying to use a fire extinguisher when there is no fire
3. Trying to use a fire extinguisher indoors, in the middle of the night, in an enclosed space
4. Trying to use a fire extinguisher in lieu of a snow machine in order to fashion the illusion of a winter wonderland, in a hallway
5. Wait a tick, why would you use a snow machine in a dorm, err, residence hall, anyway?

So, why should you avoid these things? Watch this video and SHE’LL tell you.

Awesome. “I thought it would just be a “POOF!”"

My dear, dear sobbing sorority-hopeful-girl, no fire extinguisher emits just a POOF. Frankly, if my home were legitimately on fire, I would be angry at the fire extinguisher company for selling me a faulty product. Furthermore, just because your DAD did it when he was in college, doesn’t mean you should too. There are probably a lot of things your dad did in college that are not wise for you to follow suit in. Oh, and I don’t think sweeping the floor will make up for what you have done.

So, my friends, what is the moral of this hilarious story? Whether you’re looking to “make it rain” or “make it snow” — you should never bring the weather into your own hands. I mean, look at what happened to Pacman Jones [and he didn't even wake anyone up!]

“I JUST WANTED TO MAKE IT SNOW.”

Hilarious. I’ll be saying that for the next, uhm, two weeks, at least.

All for now.

Can Miley Cyrus really create a dance that puts THE Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em to shame? Doubt it. But I bet Ryan Hansinger & I can! This week’s episode of Forget the FACTS features:

• 8th grade farts
• A Tribute to a Parrot Hero
• George Bush is writing a book?
• AND Our Hoedown Throw Down

Good times. Good times. Had by all.

Don’t forget to comment, subscribe, rate, and share. You know. You scratch our back, we’ll scratch yours. Unless you have a hairy back… then we might not scratch yours. I’m not a fan of back hair. I’m just sayin’ is all.

All for now.

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Ps: ComedySportz Improv Theatre in Richmond, VA is closing this weekend. I am performing in two shows. I better see you there.

As a female and a comedian, it is hard to develop and/or find a niche when it comes to “picking up” men (or women, who knows? I’m not judging). Typically, women comedians aren’t always the hot commodity at a bar or other type of social gathering. We have to fight and wit our way past the beautiful cheerleader-types, sorority girls**, and Olympic gymnasts in order to get even a good stare-down from a potential suitor. We funny women are the ones who are found standing in the corner at parties recounting embarrassing stories and telling 185 jokes [if you don’t know what a 185 joke is, google it.]

These are the types YOU may be competing with.

Anyway, so I have some experience with this, subsequently making me a credible source. I have had my fair share of relationship mishaps and “pick-up” fails [luckily THAT streak is over, athankyou ]. So, therefore, I like to think that I am somewhat of an expert in the “funny-woman-who-so-desperately-wants-to-be-a-sex-symbol” category.

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The key to SUCCESSFULLY picking up a man is THREE FOLD:

1. Exude confidence even if you have none. Be the queen of faking it. Most comedians are improvisers, so improvise. [Yes, and...].

2. Always be “in the know” on the latest sports headlines. Before heading out to a party, take a quick look at the Yahoo! sports headlines and come up with at least one or two quips as to how “Player X” totally should have “Sports Moved” “Player Y.” Trust me, you throw some sporting jargon in there, you’re golden.

3. Compliment. Men love to be stroked, err, men love to have their EGOS stroked. So, stroke away. For example, tell him you saw Dane Cook in the shirt he is wearing [oh, and DO NOT, under any circumstances, reveal that you don't like Dane Cook or you'll never see past the first date]. Or, tell him that his hair smells like Ashton Kutcher’s. Compare him to a “hot” celeb and you will score major points.

3.5. When in doubt, crack a joke, in character. You know how to rock character work and you know puns. Throw ‘em together and you have discovered romantic comedy gold.

So, there you have it. The funny-girl’s guide to landing Prince Charming, or at least a good substitute for the time being.

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Ps: This is the pun winner for the week: (submitted by Zach Ward: comedian, director, DSI comedy rockstar)

Q: Why do Italians like to produce Theatre on Broadway?
A: Because they know how to RIG-A-TONY.

++++++++

Oh! BAM!

All for now.

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**Yes, I am a comedian and in a sorority. I’m simply using a hasty generalization for the sake of comedy. So, back off.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! 

And what a lucky day/week it has been. A lot of awesome stuff going on. Oh, and of course a brand new episode of Forget the FACTS is up today. Ryan & I are having a lot of fun bringing you the news, headlines, and doing bits in front of an iSight Camera. 

If you like our videos, please share them. Also, rate them. Comment on them. Tweet them. Facebook them. Whatever. We’re just trying to bring you the news. You know what I mean!

This week’s video includes a new segment, AIG bits, St. Patty’s Day cultural correspondent Melina, girl scout cookies, and a frog wedding. What could be better than that? Nothing.  

Top o’ the Tuesday to you!

**Oh, and if you watched 24 this week, Jack Bauer is officially the most badass rogue agent ever. A bulldozer? REALLY?!

Forget the FACTS took a break last week due to my possession of the plague. [Is the black plague still around? Because I think I had it...]. Well, we are back and better than ever this week with some good bits, and I mean good. No “news stone” goes unturned in the world of Ryan & Molly. 

This week, we tackled issues like Bill Gates’ and his iPhone hating, Germans and their topics of discussion, China, God’s answering machine, Christian Bale, and MORE. If you like Forget the FACTS, keep checking back. If you don’t, check back anyway. 

We’re all opinions, a whole lot of bits, and no facts. Well, sometimes there are facts. It just depends.

All for now. 

ATTENTION TONY ALMEIDA! Michelle is alive and I know where she is! Michelle is on the LOST island, AND she just had a baby, YOUR magic-1970’s-flashback-baby (oh, BTW, it was a boy). Furthermore, she has a new hubby, but I think that is just a cover, because we know she really still loves you, Tony.

Little do you know, Widmore is hiding behind that bush.

You see, when the bad guy, Henderson [aka: robocop], from season 5 [of 24] blew you guys up, he had a plan. He was, in fact, working with the Dharma Initiative. He knew Michelle would be a great addition to the DI so he blew the two of you up, took Michelle, and left you for dead. But you (Tony) didn’t die, you’re stronger than that [you fake-died later that season]. Well, NEITHER DID MICHELLE! Michelle (now known as Amy) then got transported to the LOST Island by V.P. Jim Prescott [from Season 3] who is now pretending to be this guy named Charles Widmore. See, it’s all in the plans!

"I was also on FOX's The O.C. for 2 seasons which makes me 27% less badass."

Oh, AND Jack Shepard’s dad, Christian, who was known as Bob Warner in season 2 of 24, teamed up with creepy Dharma-VHS-video-guy Marvin Candle/Dr. Chang/Dr. Edgar, who also played that Consul KooYin in season 4 of 24, to conspire to get Michelle to the LOST island so she could get preggers and give you a baby. BAM! Again! It’s all in the plans.

So, TONY, don’t give up. Michelle/Amy had the baby so she could get the schematics to the LOST island, which would eventually lead her to the buried JUGHEAD, which she would of course destroy in a most badass and dramatic endeavor, put nine people in a sleeper hold, and then break six necks, all while answering the Island/CTU phone, and yelling “PUT THE GUN DOWN!” – eventually she would rebuild the submarine that was blown up, and navigate her way back to Los Angeles where she would then fly herself to D.C., pay $34.90 for a cab, and be reunited with you again.

Phew. I told you, it’s all in the plan. The writers of these shows are so smart and I am even smarter for unraveling their plan.

Namaste, bitches.

check it out: http://www.molly-buckley.com is dedicated to all things social & new media.

http://mollyhastwothumbs.com is dedicated to all things COMEDY!

What a way to start March! A snowstorm blanketed the southeast yesterday and today, some areas seeing snow for the first time in a few years.

This car got SNWNED.

[I like to think that the south got SNWNED].  Everyone has been buzzing about the rarity of this winter weather, but I have a question for speculators: is it REALLY snow, or is it just dandruff from southern Republicans scratching their heads over the details of the new federal economic stimulus package et al.?

Hmm...

Ever since January 20th, 2009, Republicans have tried to figure out how they are going to hoist themselves back into the limelight of American and world politics. It is my hypothesis that all that thinking has built up over time and is now being released upon the world in the form of white fluffy stuff. Gross? Absolutely.

Well, I have a message for the politicos. Wash your hair. It’s past winter weather season and that’s just gross. BTW: Selsun Blue is where it’s at.

Just a thought. All for now.