Molly’s Money: Avoiding the Poverty Mentality
How often have you heard one or all of these phrases:
“Oh my gosh, I’m so broke right now.”
“Ugh, I will never be able to afford that.”
“I can’t do X because I have no money.”
“I just can’t, I have NO money right now.”
“I’ll do this or that when I have the money.”
“Well, I’ll never be as rich as X.”
“Sure, you can say that, you have money.”
“My salary is a joke.”
“I can’t afford X…”
Odds are you’ve probably heard a few people say one of the above. Odds are you’ve probably said one or all of those phrases at some point in your life. Heck, I used to say stuff like that all the time.
It’s like it’s cool to be broke.
It’s normal to be broke.
It’s okay to be poor.
Poor, broke people are the norm while financially stable, debt free, and/or wealthy people are weird and outsiders.
Those phrases and those ways of thinking, ladies and gents, are what we call the “Poverty Mentality.”
This is one of those posts that’s been on my heart for a while, but I’ve been a little nervous about writing it because, honestly, for many people, it’s a touchy subject and this type of mentality isn’t really a “mentality’ for them, it’s reality. It’s a way of life.
But the truth is, the poverty mentality is destructive, negative, harmful, and can often end up being somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy. And it’s become that way for SO many of us… if not the MAJORITY of us.
As I mentioned above, this was my way of thinking for a long time. I was always complaining about being broke and not having any money to do anything – and the truth was, it was actually the case. But I would complain about it ALL the time. I would verbalize my frustrations like my situation was “cool” when, in fact, it wasn’t.
It honestly wasn’t until I shifted my attitude towards money that my entire attitude changed and I stopped dwelling in the poverty mentality. I started thinking that once I got control of my finances and once I got control of my budget that money would no longer control me. That it was not cool to be broke or poor, that being financially stable and responsible was actually cool because that meant I would be able to bless others and live a life well lived.
“You have to live like no one else, in order to live like no one else.” -Dave Ramsey
Up until I had made that realization, I was in a vicious cycle of financial negativity that only kept me from reaching my goal of becoming debt free and becoming financially stable. I was literally fulfilling my own self-fulfilling prophecy.
How did I do it? How did I rid myself of the poverty mentality?
I quit blaming others for my financial problems. It wasn’t the government that got me into debt. It wasn’t my family that got me into debt. It wasn’t my friends that got me into debt. It wasn’t the cards I was dealt or the situation I was given that got me into debt. It was ME and my own mistakes that got me into debt. Once I was able to come to terms with that, I was able to forgive myself and, ultimately, move on.
I started speaking positively about money. I stopped thinking of money as the enemy. It was a matter as simple as taking what could be a negative statement and making it a positive. Instead of saying, “No, I can’t go do X, I’m so broke right now.” I’d say something like, “Oh man thanks so much for the invite, I’m actually saving money for X right now and so I’m gonna spend the night in with a good book and a Diet Coke.”
By saying that I was SAVING money for something (which was true), I was creating a light at the end of the tunnel. I was not spending money so I could put it towards getting myself out of trouble so that one day, I could spend money again.
I started giving. Giving what, you say? Money. Yes, money. I started blessing others. Even if it was a little bit at first, I started giving. Financially. I started tithing (which is a post for another day). I started donating to my friend’s causes – even if it was just $5 or $10. I gave any chance I could. A $5 or $10 donation to a worthy cause was the equivalent of a trip to Chipotle for me. So, that just meant I didn’t go to Chipotle one time in exchange for blessing someone else. Totally worth it.
Once I started giving and seeing how blessed and grateful others felt when I gave even when I didn’t really have money to give, it again, completely shifted my attitude towards money.
The more I gave and the further I got out of debt, the more I couldn’t wait to give MORE when I had more money. Giving became a motivator for me.
Now, I LOVE giving. My husband and I give (above and beyond our monthly tithe) every opportunity we feasibly can. It might not always be much, but it is always worth it.
I understand that every situation is different. Some people really are dealt awful cards and their situations are totally out of their control. I am sensitive to that. But the truth is, even in the face of horrible adversity, I’ve seen so many take a positive attitude and create opportunities for themselves.
Good things come to those who work… with a positive attitude… and try to change their situation.
Good things typically don’t come to those who complain… are negative all the time… and sit around moping rather than working to change their circumstances.
Now when I hear those close to me use those poverty mentality-esque phrases I used to use ALL. THE. TIME. my heart breaks. It has really become an epidemic in our culture. “It’s okay to be broke. It’s okay to be poor. Being comfortable is weird.”
But this type of thinking has to stop or it’s only going to continue to manifest itself day in and day out and be passed down to our kids.
Now, my husband and I are not rich by any sense of the term, but we are comfortable. We are debt free, we give generously, and we can pay our bills. Our money does not control us. We control it.
This may not always be the case, but I do know that we are blessed beyond measure and that no matter what, God is in control, He will always provide, and we will always be okay. Even if this were all to go away tomorrow – our house, our cars, our “stuff” – we’d still be so unbelievably blessed.
Why? Because we’ve kicked the poverty mentality to the curb.
What do you think? Do you see the poverty mentality around you? Have you kicked the poverty mentality to the curb? What things have you done in your life to change your attitude towards money? Or is this something you still struggle with? Leave your thoughts in the comments!
Wow this helps sooooo much. I’m saving up for my liscense renewal and I’m scared to death I won’t get it in time this soooooo helps me to think of my goals not my burdens. Thank you!
anytime! i’m so glad to help, callista!
100% true! You are definitely implementing “The Secret” the right way 🙂 I noticed that giving brings the positive karma like nothing else.
Hi Molly,
*I commented the below comment on your first post only to realize that post was OLD & I could really use your help, so I decided to repost it here where you may see it on a more recent post*
Thanks so much for writing this post (Debt Free) even if you were a tad embarrassed. I am in A LOT of debt and I cringe every time I think about it. I accrued my debt because it was “good debt” and my entire family encouraged it – student loans. I took out student loans for undergrad and grad school and I have upwards of $90,000 in debt. I recently found Dave Ramsey and I have read his book and plan on using the debt snowball, but I was wondering if you could help me with my worries surrounding paying off my debt and having other things to worry about paying for – such as a wedding, honeymoon!,house, car… I find myself not only worried about paying off my debt, but how I will pay for my wedding and honeymoon…
For reference, I am graduating this May from my masters program in Social Work & I have not found a job yet.
saw your comment on the old post and replied. 🙂
here is the link to my post response: http://stillbeingmolly.com/2013/04/04/mollys-money-deal-debt-worry/
I LOVE this post and so needed to read it today!! I make a concentrated effort not to let our money and debt control my husband and I, but rather for us to control it. Lately it has been more difficult than usual but your post totally renewed me! I so look forward to the nights when I have time to catch up on reading your blog because it always lifts my heart. Thank you! I hope you have a fantastic week!!
that is so great, chelsea! and thank you so much for the sweet comment. it really blessed me today!
Molly, you always write such thought-provoking and amazing posts. I think most of us have been guilty of the poverty mentally (especially during college, yikes). I love your positive outlook, it’s so important! Even when financial circumstances seem impossibly difficult. Thanks for always being such a great reminder to look on the bright side!
thank you so much for your sweet comment, emily!
I’m definitely loving this post and I’m glad you touched on what most would have been afraid to. I have seen a huge difference in MY blessings when I tithe vs. when I don’t tithe. As a matter of fact, at the beginning of the year, my church set up a 90-day tithing challenge where we were asked to trust God for 90 days and then share our testimonies. And that’s really what tithing is all about-trusting God. This is yet another post I’ll be sharing and pinning. Thanks Molly!
thank you so much for the kind words, miss rockwell!! it’s so true – tithing really changed my life!!
Wow! I totally used to be that person…..my vice was buying beads….and with being a hairstylist you make money only if you have clients….I would get worried if I wasn’t booked up weeks in advance. My husband always assured me things would be ok & you know what? They were. God provides. Exactly true. I am in a different place now, just very happy to be on the mend health wise and God has a plan for me…maybe it will be this year, maybe the next, but I’m looking forward to it & I agree that “what you think about, you bring about” changing your outlook, really seeing how blessed you are changes everything. Great post Molly I just loved it! 🙂
it’s SO hard to change your perspective at first, but once you do, it helps SO MUCH. <3
This is great! I love it. It’s all true. No matter what your attitude is…your circumstances will follow. And the truth is…the more you give, the more you get. Even if you don’t get financial reward you will be rewarded. If you trust the Lord to take care of you…you will be taken care of. That should be enough.
Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom!
Ashley Rane Sparks
http://www.makeitrane.com
It is SO true! The Lord is so good and blesses His children abundantly!
You know what? This is very much along the lines of “The Secret.” The author states that the more grateful you are to have the things you have, and the more generous and giving you are, the more you will get in return. I have noticed a huge difference in the times where I’ve been depressed about money vs. the times where I have been grateful. It really does change your life.
I have heard so many great things about “The Secret” – I really need to add that to my read list. It’s SO true!
giving money is a hard one for me but my husband and i finally (way overdue) committed to giving a percentage for offering each month and it has been really good for me. scary and unsettling at times because in my mind there are so many things i could do with that money, but I know God calls us to give and I’m working on being obedient!
tithing was a HUGE step for me – i was like WHAT? 10%? i have to give WHAT? but the moment my mentality shifted towards just giving back to what God has already given me, it helped so much!! i plan on writing a post about this soon – it’s been on my heart lately. i’m so glad to hear that you and Chris have taken that step!
Great post, Molly. I just love hearing your success story. I am on my way out of debt and I look forward to your series and hearing your story. Such an inspiration! P.S. I give too. Feels great!
thank you so much, paige! thank you for reading.
I couldn’t agree with you more Molly. It’s all about your mentality. That’s what I keep telling my husband. He keeps focusing on the fact that we don’t have much money and i keep focusing on the future. It’s a struggle sometimes to get my husband to take the black hat off. Don’t get me wrong i’m realistic, i just don’t want to focus on what we don’t have. Great post molly.
Agi:)
vodkainfusedlemonade.com
thank YOU so much, agi! it’s so hard sometimes, but it is TOTALLY worth it in the end.
This is a post that I really needed to hear. I’ve been saying how broke I am or turning down plans and blaming money. My funds are low right now, but I just moved across the country and was unemployed for a few months. Your point about speaking positively about the situation instead of making an enemy out of money is definitely something that could improve my attitude. Saying that I’m trying to save instead complaining about my lack of money is a great solution. Thanks!
i’m so glad this post spoke to you, kara!! you have no idea how much that blesses ME to hear that!! it’s really all about perspective and attitude. 🙂
A dear friend of mine talks all the time about being broke. She’s not. Her husband works really hard at a good job to provide for their family of six. They live in a huge home and have two nice (paid for) cars. They are frugal but far, far, far from broke. She says it all the time.
Because she’s married and I “just don’t understand [their] situation”, there’s nothing I can say.
What I WANT to say is, “I’m single and live on less than $24K a year. I’m not broke but I’m not financially wealthy. I drive a 15 year old car while I save for a newer (not new) one. We are not broke.” I want to whisk her away to a foreign country or even downtown Raleigh. There, she will see “broke”. I fear for her children overhearing that too. They are so blessed in so many ways.
All that to say, I’m glad you posted this. I know these words need to be heard and read, Molly.
oh kristin i TOTALLY know what you mean. we all have friends like that – and it’s so difficult sometimes to stay positive around them and not feel like we’re resenting them or anything. all i can say is just continue to be positive and influence her in a positive way. 🙂 thanks, girl.
This is so helpful! As a newlywed who is trying to pay off debt & often stuck in the poverty mentality, I really appreciate the encouragement!
Liz
http://www.lizandmiles.blogspot.com
thank you so much for reading, liz!!
This is so true!!! I have a friend like this! She gets so upset with me because I refuse to let money rule my life. She makes more than I do and her bills are less then mine, but I hear these phrases out of her mouth all the time!!! I am totally forwarding this to her :o) Thank you!!
i totally have friends that are just like that – it’s hard because they are more blessed than they realize. but i think in those situations it’s all about being a positive influence. 🙂
YES! I feel like as a culture we’re stuck in this mindset of believing everyone is either stupidly rich to the point of burning money or they are working themselves to death and only scraping by. No one wants to hear “I have just what I need and feel calm about my financial situation.” Especially in this economy I think it’s easy to get caught up in the anxiety and buy into the idea that we don’t have enough and never will because of all these factors that our outside of our control rather than looking at what we DO have the ability to control and making decisions based on that.
Also I realize it might be too personal and I respect that but I would love to read a post on tithing because I struggle so mightily with it.
AMEN! preach, kate!! you are SO right – no one wants to hear about the people that are the baby bear of society – you know, it’s all “just right” – everyone either needs to be totally braggadocios or “struggling to get by.”
and yes, i DEFINITELY plan on writing a post on tithing. that is another one that has been on my heart for a while but i’ve honestly been too nervous to write it. but i think i’m going to just bite the bullet and do it.
This is such a great, fresh take on a healthy money mentality. I’m definitely guilty of the second point you made – of speaking negatively about money when the truth of the matter is that I’m lucky to have savings and very little debt – I just can’t afford every shiny thing I see on the internet! And that’s okay. Thanks for the reality check this morning!
thank you so much for reading, Erika! it’s all about perspective. we are so blessed – we just have to have our minds in the right place to realize it.
Love this Molly. I have really been fighting the”poverty mentality” lately. I have struggled with thinking we are so poor now that Andrew is back in school and we are having a baby. Something that I like to remind myself of that really helps, is that we are so so so filthy rich and prosperous compared with most of the world. I mean we never go hungry or freeze at night. We are surrounded by comforts and people who love us. I guess God’s just been reminding me of the little (but actually big) blessings that we have so abundantly. I may be shopping at Wal Mart instead of Whole Foods, but is that really such a big deal?! Thanks for this post!
thank you so much, charlotte – i totally know what you mean. it is SO hard and once we get ourselves in that mindset, it’s often even harder. we are all SO blessed beyond measure! it’s all about perspective.
Thanks so much for this! My husband and I took Dave’s course a few years ago and live on a strict budget which is much different than our friends. We constantly feel broke, but the truth is we’re saving or a trip to Europe and work our butts off to afford s nice life!!!
anytime, katie! thank you for reading! that is AWESOME that you guys are working to save for something worthwhile! it will TOTALLY mean that much more in the end.
Brilliant commentary Molly, glad you are moving in the direction that makes it clear for you.
thank you so much, phil!
I like the way you think about this… and I have probably said this about 50 times in the past couple months! It’s because I am so scared of the future and getting a new car, potentially looking into a house… I just want to save up my money. I like this idea of giving though 🙂 It seems very refreshing and will give me a new perspective on money!
aww thank you so much, rachel! you can do it, girl. giving really does change your entire perspective on money.
This is such a great post. We are all guilty of feeling as if we don’t make enough or don’t have enough. In reality it is how you work with what you have that will make the difference.I used to want and stress and feel like I woukd never be happy financially. Then one day I changed my thinking. Now I create a budget and stick to it but I d ont let it dictate my life. If I don’t have enough for sonething chances are I don’t need it and I move on. This has helped me to live a richer life. And it is not because I have a lot of money. Its because I am genuinely happy and do not stress about.
Taima
http://Www.taimata.com
thank you so much for reading, taima! it really is all about your attitude and your work ethic at the end of the day. 🙂 that’s awesome that you’ve employed that positive way of thinking in your own life and you’ve seen it work!
This is so true! I constantly refer to myself as “poor”, because as a recent grad it’s hard to make any money at entry-level jobs while paying off our loans, car payments, etc. But the truth is, although I AM broke, I spend my money wisely and save up for an apartment. So I should be proud for how wisely I spend and save my own money that I worked hard for!
yeah – it is SO hard. i was guilty of that for a LONG time – but the truth is, we are SO blessed – all of us. 🙂
I could not agree with you more. Thanks for putting this out there. What it comes down to is if we have a lack mentality all we will attract is lack!! I’m working to shift to an abundance mentality-specifically with money.
thank you so much for reading, arielle! it really is all about our mentality and our attitude.
great post. so much truth. never though of it like this, but you explained it so well!
thank you so much, kate!
Such a fabulous post and topic Molly. I completely agree that the poverty mentality is THE WORST. It goes hand in hand with the sayings about happy people or generous people. You either are or you aren’t but it doesn’t change based on money….its all you and your attitude. Happy people will be happy despite circumstances. Same with giving people.
I think sometimes we use the fact that we are at or below poverty level to ease a burden from ourselves…like ‘Oh, of course I’d give IF I COULD.” But the fact is we can always give something. We are not exempt from being helpful or generous by the numbers on our bank account I guess is what I’m saying.
Anyways, great topic and reminder. As someone working my way out of debt I always enjoy these financial tip posts! Annnnd, congrats on the future addition to the family 🙂
i’m so glad you found it helpful, hannah!! attitude really does change EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING. 🙂 you can do it, girl! good luck!
Great post! It’ll be helpful to keep this in mind as I graduate and start having to support myself. Thanks for sharing a pearl of wisdom 🙂
anytime, deanna!! thank you so much for reading!
Love this! I am completely guilty of all of these phrases! I definitely need to stop the negative talk & be more proactive about changing my situation.
so glad this spoke to you, courtney!! good luck as you work to make changes in your own life! that’s awesome! 🙂
I love this!!!! It’s so easy in our society to complain about what we don’t have instead of valuing what we do have! You’re right, this mentality is dangerous….and self fulfilling! And I totally agree, giving is KEY!
Carly
http://www.lipglossandcrayons.com
thank you so much, carly! it really is – giving changes people – for the better.